Dead Head Pro,
Fully understanding how shallow I am going to sound, I’ll diving right in.
I have never dated a fat guy, until 6 months ago. My boyfriend is not obese but he is undeniably fat. Although I think he has put on some weight, he was already overweight when we started dating.
I have a nice torso, am very physically active, and desire to share that lifestyle with my boyfriend. I hoped that my instance would motivate my boyfriend to get into shape. Even though it is has gotten him to talk about it, he still hasn’t taken specific actions. It doesn’t repulse me that he’s fat; what bothers me is that he talks about losing weight but hasn’t actually changed any of his habits.
We met after the holidays and he showed that he was conscious of his weight, saying that he had fallen off the wagon during the holidays and was trying to get back into a routine. Since then, we have gone on two beach vacations that he was “going to get in shape for” and if anything he has only gotten bigger.
As I mentioned, I have tried to influence him through my example,( talking about the meat I’m eating, always telling him when I’m at the gym) and when he makes comments about his weight, I don’t reject them with “you’re not fat! “, I try to discuss a game plan for getting him back on track. Over the past several months though, he has moved apartments and switched careers so the author claims he hasn’t been able to get back into a routine because of the time and stress. I’m nervous that this will continue to happen because there is obviously never going to be a perfect time to change.
Obviously this is important to me but everything else in our relationship is audio and I’m happy, so I’m not looking to end things, just some advice to assistance get things done.
Well, you’re not happy, are you? You’re emailing me, patently, but you also said “I hoped that my example would motivate my boyfriend to get into shape.” There’s an age-old relationship adage along the lines of “women marry men hoping they’ll change, humen wed girls hoping they never do.” It’s mostly true and, more importantly, neither objective is ever recognized. Men who are unambitious losers rarely be transformed into millionaires, and women who start out as party daughter nymphos who like to get drunk and give hummers in movie theater rarely remain that style. C’est la vie . strong>
So you’re unhappy that your stellar example hasn’t magically became your glistening swine of a boyfriend into an adonis. No shit. Acquiring a diet that a) works for you and b) you can stick with that results weight loss is really fucking hard. And bearing in mind the fact that your best bet is to support that diet with thoughtful exert, you’re talking about an entire paradigm change in his routine. Blend that given the fact that weight loss simply gets harder the older we get, and he’s standing at the foot of the world’s tallest mountain, and all you’re doing to help him climbing is eating kale and texting him from the elliptical . strong>
That’s not a moral fail on your component, either. Short of preparing all of his food for him( which would be ridiculous ), there’s not much you can do. The only real proposition I have is to perhaps find some kind of activity that you can do together — tennis, hiking, paddle boarding, whatever. If that happens, there may be some hope that laying bare his physical inadequacies will press him to get serious about health and fitness . strong>
In the end, you’re on two sides of a subdivide. He, like probably 90% of specific populations, values weight loss and fitness but can’t find it in himself to prioritize it. You’re the opposite, in that you prioritize it in both yourself and him( despite going into this knowing exactly what you were get ). You have to get onto through your skull that things are unlikely to change for the better, and ultimately decide what’s most significant to you . strong>
Dearest Head Pro,
I’m caught in a lineage love triangle. A few weeks ago, my friend defined me up with his little. Yes, little as in frat little. I don’t know why this shit is still relevant in the real world, but here “weve been”. So, anyway, we hit it off. The little is a great guy, though the sexuality is medium-minus. Hoping to educate the young boy in the wiles of sex encounters, I began to train Medium-Minus with the hopes of constructing him a solid medium.
So, a little backstory here. Medium-Minus just got out of a really fucked up relationship, so he suffering from significant emotional PTSD and goes back and forth between wanting to date me and wanting to be swear off all women( including me- which is crazy, I know ). But even though the sex is medium minus I still really like him. Emotionally unavailable humen seem to be my kind these days!
Okay , now the actually fucking crazy proportion. While he’s been out of town for the past few weeks I accidentally split 3 bottles of rose (# roseallday) with his big and we altogether made out. Brose over here caught me “off ones guard” with his good looks and even better wine-drinking abilities. I’d told that that was a onetime thing, but I cant aid but make do with him when I’m drinking …. And a girl’s gotta stick to her diet.
Well….it’s all fun and games until someone catches the seems. And person happened to be BOTH of us. Brose thought it was a brilliant suggestion to let his little( aka Medium-Minus) in on his feelings( except for the component about us making out ). Seems a bit incestual no? They’re like basically bros (# frat #brotherhood #lineage) and I’ve somehow inserted myself in the middle of their bromance and fucked everything up. And it gets even more awk…because Medium-Minus swears he’s trying to date me where reference is returns from his travellings. Can’t say I wouldn’t likewise be defensive about losing a total fucking catch like me.
So….Medium-Minus and I have kept talking while he’s been away, but the combination of sexting and “I only can’t be with you right now” is get v age-old .. specially when Brose is just sitting pretty on the back burner. I know that I need to at the least delayed until he gets back from wherever he is, but I’m not sure what my game plan is when he does. Mainly I imagine I need to stop dating frat humankinds( side note- I never even dated them in college, irony ?). But in the meantime, can you help a betch out? The struggle is real.
With drunken love,
Wait, waitwaitwaitwait: This entire email is premised on existing conflicts arising from their college fraternity association, and you’re not even in fucking college ?!?!? Like, I’m reading this message, envisioning “wow, ok, this could get genuinely sticky if they’re living in the same house, ” and at the very end you drop the bomb that college is in the past-tense for you? You were somehow “caught off guard” by his good looks( had you, uh , not considered him before ?) and his booze abilities? A bottle and a half of wine isn’t even all that impressive for a dude, fyi. Not that I would know, or anything . strong>
Anyway, you don’t actually have a problem here. The one guy is cold and good and into you( somehow !), and the other guy is bad in bed and one screening away from spouting some vile bullshit on a Men’s Rights subreddit. There is not a real choice, and the fact that you had to dig up their college brotherhood brotherhood( which no one cares about after college, I promise) to invent one attains me think you might enjoy the( non) drama a teensy weensy bit . strong>
If you genuinely want to stop “re kidding”, you don’t need to wait for the one guy to get back from “wherever he is.” I mean, if you don’t even know where he is and half the time he’s calling you a jezebel, that’s not exactly a relationship that demands a lot of close. If anything, him being gone is a perfect opportunity to use remote communication to avail him of the idea that you’ll has become a pair . strong>
In the future, past brotherhood affiliation is likely not a good clue of a guy’s quality. Being bad in couch and a borderline misogynist, however, definitely is . strong>
Read more: http :// www.betches.com/ boyfriend-is-fat-ask-a-pro
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